I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So vagazzling was a success
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
