last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
