just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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