Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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