What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
