I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
