I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm like, not good at living.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
