Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
