Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
