It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
