So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
