I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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