Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
