And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
