So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
