I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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