Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Is it because I queefed?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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