Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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