Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
