There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
