allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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