if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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