mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize