I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
