And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
