shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
