Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
