Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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