I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
