I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Even my vagina gasped.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
