I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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