It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
