My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize