he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
