I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
