I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
