That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
