im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize