I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
