My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
