dude i'm inner monologue high
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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