Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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