So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
