Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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