im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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