you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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