i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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