I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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