Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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