i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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