I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
