she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
