so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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