he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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