Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize