if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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