Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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