Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
