We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize