he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
