so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
