i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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