he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
