How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
did i just pee glitter
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
