did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
