Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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