Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
