where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
