Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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